counseling

I Can’t Hear You’re So Loud

~ godisnotlikeyou ~ 2 Comments

I got off the phone with a caller that never stopped talking. He’s someone I’ve never met and yet he felt the need to tell me about his life, never taking a breath to see if I was interested or even listening.

I’m sure you’ve had those experiences with people.

As much as that caller irritated me, I had to admit I had done the same thing over the years.

I’m a fix-it-all kinda person. You come to me with a problem and I have a solution for you and I’m happy to tell you about it.

Don’t we all.  painting24

I’ve realized over the years that maybe that’s not what people really need. Maybe it’s something else.

Maybe Jesus is calling us to a different kind of help. Help as in listening to the person. We’re so prone to listen with a mind that is more attentive to what to say next to the person. We miss the cues, the body language and facial expressions that way.

Even more importantly, we miss what God is showing us about himself in that person’s life.

I often forget that when someone asks for my counsel, she comes to me with Jesus in her life. It’s my job to listen well. I’m quick to fix, he’s not. I want to come across as helpful, when Jesus is already her helper.

What people need most of all is someone who will listen to them with a full heart that is not rushed, and who can help locate God in their lives so they can rest in him. This won’t happen if we’re preoccupied with what to say next, or if we’re in a hurry to get the visit over with.

We all need to enroll in the school of active listening. I know I do.

Talk to me.

What’s in Your Church Lately?

~ godisnotlikeyou ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered what the purpose of the church is? Is it a place to get your needs met? A place to hang out with like-minded friends? A place to get a shot in the arm for the week ahead?

Nowadays more and more churches are like that.

I hate to say it but we’re not allowed to re-purpose the church to our liking or to meet the needs of the culture. God didn’t give us pastors to be inspirational speakers, or comedians, or storytellers. And he certainly didn’t give us pastors to be our life coaches either.  For that you have movies, TV shows, and TED Talks.

So what’s the purpose of the church anyway if they’re not clubs for the cool, support networks for tech families, or places for therapy?

According to the bible, God has given the church three mandates:

  1. The worship of God
  2. The maturing of believers
  3. Bringing sinners to faith  img_8865

If our churches aren’t doing this, then we need to ask if it’s a true church.

What tools is the church to use for the worship of God, maturing the saints, and bringing sinners to faith?

The gospel.

The teaching and preaching must be the gospel. It’s the only tool God promises to use that is powerful and accomplishes its purpose.

The gospel is not inside of us by nature. That’s why we need to hear it from the outside. The church is where this is done in song, in prayer, and in preaching.

It’s not only the pastor’s responsibility, it’s all of ours. We need to be specialists in the gospel so we’re able to share it, counsel it, and tell it to others.

As private Christians we have many assignments in life, but the church has only one: the preaching of the gospel.

And we need to be reminded of the gospel every week, no matter how old we are in the Lord.

The gospel is not only for sinners but for Christians as well.

Talk to me.

How To Have a Silent Conversation

~ godisnotlikeyou ~ 8 Comments

I spend a lot of time counseling people with problems. The nature of what I do requires a fair amount of talking. Giving counsel and encouragement has become a way of life for me over the years.

Every once in a while however, something different happens. Like today.

Polly calls me every month. She is a woman with learning disabilities. She admits to not being able to follow directions or retain information. Consequently she’s unable to hold down a job.

Today was another one of those calls.

She told me she was being evicted and needed another place to live.

She exhausted that theme, and then launched into describing the conflicts she was having with her older sister.

She spoke for twenty minutes.

When she finished, I prayed for her.

“Thank you. You are a delight to talk to,” Polly said and hung up.

I smiled.

I had said nothing to her. All I did was listen.

And then this thought came to me, maybe from the Holy Spirit.

“You showed more grace and love in your listening than anything you could have said.”

It made me think.

Perhaps the Lord would make more of an impact on people through my silence.

Most people don’t want to be fixed.

They want to be loved.

What do you think? Leave me a comment.